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Archive for October, 2008

We are fighting right now and I am writing on this hidden blog that he doesn’t know I have.  Really, I don’t think anyone knows I have it or even reads it.  I can’t stand some things about him, things that I didn’t know I was signing up for when we lived abroad together.  OK, so you have me here right where you want me and now you decide to show your true colors?  When we were abroad, we were adventurous, we had the same goals, we would pinpoint a destination and jump at the chance to check it out.  Here, you don’t even want to leave our house, and as an excuse you create these household “responsibilities” for yourself.  Then you label me for having no real world responsiblities.  Umm.. cutting wood on a Saturday is a neccessity?  This is ridiculous, he is showing parts of himself that are such a turn off.  And I’m just annoying him for pointing them out.   I wonder if it would have been better living with him in The States before we got engaged?  I thought what I was getting from our life in Japan was the real thing, the real him.  Overall, he is still the same, but things that bothered me slightly in Japan are amplifying now.  IE.  the way he criticizes me, his lackluster spirit for adventure, the tone in which he answers me.  I am four week away from my wedding and this entry makes me sound 4 weeks and many years past it.  I want my marriage to be perfect… perfect for me (whatever that means.)  Monk, I want us to be different, I want us to be outstanding.

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